A Rose for My Mother, Part IV
I wonder if you cry in the shower,
when you are left alone with your thought and
there was no one around you to put on a show for:
A show of strength,
of someone who is fearless of death
and fearless of victory.
I wonder if you cry in the kitchen,
when you are alone, preparing meals,
making thankless breakfasts, lunches, dinners,
and countless other thankless meals
that everyone around you takes for granted.
You put in the seasonings as you put out
the candles of your happiness.
You often talk about your dreams of being
a cai luong actress,
and any other roles in life other than
a mother of two sickly children,
a wife of an abusive and lazy husband,
a sister-in-law of an in-law family that consist of nothing but
gamblers and addicts.
I wonder if you cry in your sleep,
when your dreams take over and you see yourself standing on the stage,
finally being the actress that you are so dearly crave for,
and again, there will be no one around
to break the wall of the fragility of dream
But the morning always come,
and Mother, you will always be burden with me.
I wake up from my seizure fit and see,
Indeed, it’s true,
you have always been crying this whole time and
I have never been awaken enough to see your tears
burning down time,
crashing through dreams,
tearing down walls of strength and the fragility of being human,
to save me from being me.
Indeed, there is no one here and you don’t have to put on a show.
And even if there is a crowd here, why do you even need to put on a show?
Who will see it? And what will they do?
But as I lay there in the madding crowd, Mother, there is one thing I believe,
If there is only one true God in this World,
My one true God is You.