A Rose for My Mother, Part IV

I wonder if you cry in the shower,

when you are left alone with your thought and

there was no one around you to put on a show for:

A show of strength,

of bravery,

of someone who is fearless of death

and fearless of victory.

I wonder if you cry in the kitchen,

when you are alone, preparing meals,

making thankless breakfasts, lunches, dinners,

and countless other thankless meals

that everyone around you takes for granted.

You put in the seasonings as you put out

the candles of your happiness.

You often talk about your dreams of being

a cai luong actress,

a chief,

a singer,

and any other roles in life other than

a mother of two sickly children,

a wife of an abusive and lazy husband,

a sister-in-law of an in-law family that consist of nothing but

gamblers and addicts.

I wonder if you cry in your sleep,

when your dreams take over and you see yourself standing on the stage,

finally being the actress that you are so dearly crave for,

and again, there will be no one around

to break the wall of the fragility of dream

and reality.

But the morning always come,

and Mother, you will always be burden with me.

I wake up from my seizure fit and see,

Indeed, it’s true,

you have always been crying this whole time and

I have never been awaken enough to see your tears

burning down time,

crashing through dreams,

tearing down walls of strength and the fragility of being human,

to save me from being me.

Indeed, there is no one here and you don’t have to put on a show.

And even if there is a crowd here, why do you even need to put on a show?

Who will see it? And what will they do?

But as I lay there in the madding crowd, Mother, there is one thing I believe,

If there is only one true God in this World,

My one true God is You.

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